New Year = New Goals? Do I Have To?

I gave up on the whole New Year Resolutions and Goals thing a couple of years ago.

Every time I would set out to fulfill these goals and resolutions, the exact opposite would happen.

Want to lose 10 pounds? WHAM-O! Hello 20 extra pounds!

It just wasn’t working.

I like Oreo cookies too much.

So I stopped making goals and resolutions. Not that I’m saying anything bad about goals and resolutions. I think it’s an awesome thing to do and I’m happy for those who really try to actually accomplish what they set out to do. It just doesn’t work for me.

It’s like my brain sees the list and goes “Oh! So this is must be what she DOESN’T want to get done this year. That’s totally cool with me, year long vacation for me!”

But this New Year, I admit that I am being seduced by the goals and resolutions lists I am seeing here and there. They are so shiny.

And really, what’s the harm? It’s just a list, right? It’s not like I’m actually going to lose anything. Except maybe my waistline.

And hey! If they aren’t going to work anyway, why not go all out? Right?

So, here is my “Completely Realistic and Attainable Goals for 2013!”


  • Buy a Lexus RX350 with the money I’ll get from finally cashing in on the excellent investment I made in Beanie Babies during the 90’s.
  • Become the next President of the United States! Hogue 2013! Currently seeking a potential VP… any takers?
  • Start a boy band called “Bilbo and the Dragons.” We will tour the world and beat Justin Bieber out on ticket sales.
  • Write a book entitled “How to Make Successful Goals and Resolutions.”
  • Bring about world peace by uniting the entire world in the love of Banana Moon Pies.
  • Invent and mass produce a robot that washes dishes, does laundry, and makes a mean margarita.
  • Become the next Bond Girl.
  • Save the world from the Zombie Apocalypse, with just my thumb.
  • Finally reveal to the world that I am, in fact, the only person that Chuck Norris fears.


Yeah, that looks about right!


7 Replies to “New Year = New Goals? Do I Have To?”

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